Just Missed The Train
by ReddistheRose
Summary: Cindy reminises about the fatefull events surrounding the departure of her secret crush, Jimmy Neutron. Will she ever be the same? Based on the song by Kelly C., oneshot for now. Please take the time to read this one it will be worth it, I promise.


**AN:** Wow. I'm churning out a lot of one-shots lately. Sorry! I _will_ update my other stories, I promise- I just _had_ to scratch this writing itch, as it were. This is a **Cindy POV** songfic, based on (and using the lyrics of)_ "Just Missed The Train"_ by **Kelly Clarkston**. If you don't like her music, or songfics in general, please take the time to read this anyway- Personally, I think this is a good stand-alone story itself, it's just that the lyrics of her song enhance in, IMHO. Anyway, you're already here, so you might as well, right?;)

Anyway, I thought of this story and squealed in fangirl glee, so I _know_ ya'll are going to love it. Well, I _think_ you are. Alright, I'm _hoping against impossible hope_ that you are! Please **review** and ease my tortued mind!

**Guide:**

Regular story-telling font, and,"talking"

**Title**

**_Song lyrics_**

**_"song lyrics used as dialouge"_**

One more thing, just so you're not confused: This is Cindy telling the story in the past tense, as if she is reminising. Unfourtunatly, this gets a little confusing at one point where she is reminising about reminising. (Sigh) Sorry. The events of the day Jimmy is leaving, Cindy is in her twenties...but she also reminises about being 12. As the story teller, she is...um...old or something. Whatever- on with the story!

_Disclaimer: I am not to be owning dis here song or da Jimmy peoples, yes?_

* * *

**Just Missed The Train**

I knew, when the morning light hit me like the bomb hit Hiroshima, it was the day. September 5, 2005- the date was burned in my mind the second it escaped his lips.

I remember that one thought above all others: predominant on my mind, the biggest part of my life was departing on the 7:15 train. If he had ever known how I felt about him, he never showed it. Our lives were a sequence of missed chances, opportunities for me to finally look the guy in the eye and tell him what I really thought about him.

The departure day was years ago, and I sigh now, as I remember the strength it took to get out of that bed, feet hitting the floor just as my alarm clock switched on. Ready to unleash my foul waking mood on the poor machine, my fist halted in mid-air as I heard the melody drifting to me.

****

Roll over baby

The time has come

I don't know how long it took me to register the words, but I was quick enough to stop the surely detrimental effects of my fist on my alarm radio. As I shook the sleep, but not the sadness, from my body, I rose with the feeling of finality. I tried to agree with the words that came next- although I knew it was impossible.

****

To make a little bit more room

It made sense, the logistical part of my mind affirmed, that with him gone, I could concentrate on other things- why, his leaving could be the first step toward getting on with my life- finding someone else.

But I knew it was a load of garbage.

****

I've hung around you

It's getting tough

I think I'm gonna break down soon

The years of fighting had finally worn off to a mutual respect, at least in an academic way. We were what you may call equivocal friends- not always able to discern where the line was that cut off our relationship. Acquaintances? Friends? Co-workers?

Not that it mattered- I always wanted more.

****

Cuz I remember

Crying in the park

It was getting dark

I spent the morning recollecting- wondering why in the world I was so entranced, so glued to the idea of him and me together, that I had given up on rhyme or reason. Yes, I remembered that night in the park, too- the first time I had cried over him and I…or, rather, the lack of him and I. At the time, it had been ten years ago- I was 12, I remembered, and still reeling from another one of our famous arguments. I remember feeling so helpless, feeling like I couldn't ever stop all the wrong words from coming out at the wrong time.

I had hurt him, and as bad as rejection might have been, _his _pain was what really got to me.

****

Suddenly I looked up

You were my sky

The argument had ended with the cruelest words we could mutually muster, and I knew when I looked up that the trail in the sky was him, fuming his way to a distant planet in his rocket, to let off steam.

After that, we avoided each other for a week or more, each one of us ignoring the others' existence. For months afterward, it was as if he was asleep- numb to anything I said or did. Desperation turned to anger- I didn't talk about it, but I secretly raged.

****

So go on

And sleep darlin

Why don't you pretend we were just a dream

It's cool baby

It doesn't matter anyway

The words of the song fit my mood- sarcastic and dismissing- although I wouldn't hear the song until many years later. After we had cooled off a little, things got a little more normal- but we were more cautious- afraid, I think, of being hurt.

****

Well I'm so sorry

We got to the station a little too late

Such a shame

We just missed the train

We just missed the train

I knew that we had reached some kind of peace over the years that drifted by- but, it, seemed, we had missed the train on friendship.

I thought it would never be really "right" between us- for the longest time, I was right. But time took it's toll, and he knew that when the world was in danger, I was there for him- strange as it may have been for us.

****

Be quiet angel

Don't make a sound

Save it for a rainy day

I allowed myself a smile, that rainy September day, when I thought back to the time (we had been reciprocally 17 at the time) that he had come to my house, breathless with fear and expecting the worst as his plans fell through. He looked disgusted, at first, to have had to come so low as to ask my help, but I tried to save him the embarrassment of asking for it- I made some kind of comment about how I just 'had to insist' that he _let _me help him. He let me, the first time (in a long time), of many.

****

Oh can't you see me

I'm such a mess

Trying hard to find my way

It seemed to me, as my feelings grew, that he must have been getting some kind of clue- I felt like I was a mess around him, trying to hide my feelings…but wanted to shout them out at the same time.

****

Do you remember wasting all the time

We were feeling fine

Though we couldn't walk a line,

We were all right

There were times, I suppose, when the timing was right: I could have said what I needed too. But I was afraid- afraid of crossing the line between where we were and where we would be if I said what I did.

****

So go on

And sleep darlin

So, I let it go- let him think what he wanted, never letting my subtle hints change into anything else.

****

Why don't you pretend we were just a dream

It's cool baby

It doesn't matter anyway

Well I'm so sorry

We got to the station a little too late

Such a shame

We just missed the train

And as I walked over to his house, after work, I tried to go over in my head what I should say to him.

****

Oh why'd that train just pass us by

Didn't anyone see we were stuck at the line

And we would've made it on time

It seemed to me, at 5:45 pm.- only an hour and a half before he was due to leave behind our hometown forever- that this was my one, final chance. See, I had always kind of thought our relationship would eventually evolve into more…I was fooling myself, trying to convince myself that I could be happy without having to do anything- or risk anything. Like the words of the song that had shook me out of bed, I had been waiting in line for my future, but not going anywhere at all.

I had missed the train, and it was my own fault.

****

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah

So, over I went, to say goodbye, hoping he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes as I shook his hand. That was irony itself, of course- that the only physical contact I could muster was a formal one. Even Libby has given our resident Retroville genius a goodbye hug- but I knew I would just break down if I tried.

He seemed to gloss over my presence, saying lengthy goodbyes to all his friends- his family he had said goodbye to earlier. He had his few bags in tow- the plane wouldn't hold much, and he was going to have the rest of his things delivered once he was safely…home. Home, halfway around the word where he would have access to state of the art science equipment, a team of geek lackeys to help his research, and government funding- all on the condition of a 15 year contract.

He wouldn't be visiting home too often.

Well, not at all, actually.

So there I stood, an outsider looking in as he bid farewell to everyone and everything important he was leaving behind. I, of course was not included in that count, I knew. I couldn't even count the handshake as a true goodbye- he had met my eyes but for a brief moment before turning to hug Sheen and Libby, and kiss their baby goodbye.

Their was so much I needed to tell him- and I hoped, selfishly, for a brief moment that I could perhaps tell him with my eyes- beg him to stay, or something equally futile.

At last I got one more chance- as he turned to face the taxi, he glanced back at me- piercing blue eyes taking me in for, I knew, one last time. I opened my mouth, not knowing what to say.

Suddenly, I realized, I didn't matter.

I had been wishing on wish, hoping with everything I had that he would stay- for me. But, looking into his eyes, I realized that I could never do that to him.

All I wanted, I knew, was for him to be happy. Who was I to stop his dreams? So, what I knew where my last words to him tumbled out, awkward but sincere.

"I'll…miss you, Nerdt-" I choked back a sob just in time- I prayed he hadn't noticed. "…Jimmy." I finally finished, with a professional nod.

For a second, he held my gaze, and I tried my best to keep an icy exterior. He didn't need me to give him a reason to stay, even if I could.

Finally, he returned the nod, and I only saw a brief furrow of his brow before he gave me what I felt as a hollow smile.

"…Gotta blast." He said, devoid of excitement. As he glanced around at his friends, I knew he must have been missing them already. And, although I felt immediate guilt for the feeling, I was jealous of them.

Then, he was gone.

****

So sleep darlin

Why don't you pretend we were just a dream

After Jimmy's goodbye group had dissipated, I couldn't go back home- not yet. I felt the slight breeze push my back, and I let it lead me down the sidewalk- all the way to Retroville park. I pictured myself, in my mind, telling his it was okay: I didn't care where he wanted to go. In my mind, I was strong and confident- ice woman.

****

It's cool baby

It doesn't matter anyway

But as I sat down on the bench, if was as if all the ties that had bound me together came undone. I began sobbing, as I pictured him moving- gliding on the rails, out of my reach, just as he had been for years.

****

Well I'm so sorry

We got to the station a little too late

He would never know how I felt about him- I knew that. But the most crushing thought of all was that it was all for the best: he didn't need me, and I knew he would go far.

It was all I wanted for him, this move. That's what I told myself, anyway.

****

And sleep darlin

Why don't you pretend we were just a dream

It's cool baby

It doesn't matter anyway

And as I wrapped my fingers around my face, sobbing over the loss of what I never had, I felt the first of the early evening rain drops on my head. The rain mixed with my tears- I was soaking wet, sobbing, and I didn't care. I remember screaming, angry at the irony of the cold weather tapping at my numb body.

Then, a miracle laid his hand on my shoulder. An apparition, I knew, only of what I wanted.

Until my eyes met his.

"What- what are you doing here?" I remember asking, no more than a whisper, as the Retroville clock struck 7:30

With a smile, he took a step closer, his smile warming me, impossibly, more than his proximity.

****

"Well, I'm so sorry-

We got to the station a little too late."

He said, with a dismissing shrug .

I just gaped at him, unable to understand. "But-" I stumbled, fixated on my shoes.

He put a hand on my face, and lifted my gaze to his own.

****

"Such a shame!"

He said, intense eyes belying the meaning of his words.

****

"We just missed the train"

And as the import of what he had meant slowly sunk in, I shook my head in disbelief.

"Gosh, Cindy." He continued, with a tone of _completely _insincere disappointment. "I guess I'll just have to stay."

"Stay…" I parroted, not a statement, but not quite a question.

"The trip is off. You see, it turns out, I didn't have time to go back for something I forgot. Something-" He said, placing his other hand on my face, "very," he continued, leaning closer, "important."

I will never forget the warmth in that kiss- the truths he told me in those few perfect, pure seconds. That he _had _seen me- that he felt the same about me- and most importantly…he would never leave me.

It was a promise, that kiss. The sealing of a treaty, and the beginning of the most beautiful- albeit sometimes frustrating- relationship in my life. We talked for hours that night, hearing, somewhere in-between, the whistle of the departing train (that had been delayed for a certain famous genius, who, it turned out, never showed up).

And like any respectable man, Jimmy Neutron keeps his promises.

* * *

**AN:** Note: Aw, wasn't that cute? Well? Anyone? (looks around mournfully) please review! Is anybody out there?

Anyway, I may do one more chapter to this, a sort of lets-wrap-this-up type thing...let me know if ya'll'd like that. See you around!


End file.
